The Love You Withhold Is The Pain You Carry | Amber Hawken Dip. Mindfulness CBT

Revolution requires, first, a breaking open….

I’ve been to more funerals than I have weddings and there’s something very empowering about that.

It taught me that moments that feel like they ‘break’ us, or times that appear to be catastrophic, if we are willing to open our eyes a little wider and wipe the distortions through presence, can be moments to support us to purge and detoxify from previously oppressed, suppressed and bypassed trauma and pain that has been ‘stored’ in our hearts until said breaking.

Something I’ve learned from being given the opportunity to face the loss of both a mother and a father (my step father took his own life when I was 10), with whom I had either a broken or traumatic relationship to in some way at the time, is that death coupled with unprocessed pain can go sideways, fast, if not seen for what it is.

When your heart breaks at a pivotal moment such as a suicide or heart attack due to self-neglect, what arises, is what was repressed and it is tempting to get stuck in feeling like the victim. While validation is an important step in healing, it is still a step. And in order to not perpetuate pain further onto ourselves or the world around us, it would be wise to remember that the lashing out, the sense of betrayal, the lust for revenge is nothing more than our hearts crying for love.

All that arises from within during grief must be felt, seen, heard, dissolved and integrated in order to heal and write a new story in order to create a new world.

This is what I believe is happening to our planet right now. From the catastrophic fires across the globe, the worldwide shut down from a virus (with more theories about its existence than The First Man On The Moon), to the amplification of awareness in inequality, mistreatment and racism towards black lives. And this is simply what is forefront in the media which is a whole other rabbit hole.

My point is this: Our collective heart is breaking open and as a result, we are collectively and individually healing. 

The reason there are so many variations of peoples reactions, opinions, confusion, blame, shame, violence, support and impact, is no more complex than why some people see a glass half empty and some see it half full. Perspective matters. In saying that, a humans perspective is so very malleable and limited to our vision, and vision can easily be distorted, disrupted and blurred from as the variable of where you were born and what channel your parents watched when you were a kid.

In order to collectively heal, I do believe that more understanding, compassion and personal responsibility is required. I also believe that this responsibility must NOT come from a place of GUILT which drives OBLIGATION and fuels EXPECTATION which results in nothing less than a perpetuation of more chains around our wrists and heaviness in our hearts. 

Our evolution has forever been developed through the ancient cycle of:

Normal life – challenge – mentor – the journey – apparent no solution – heroic resolution – return with wisdom and normal life also dubbed The Heros Journey by Joseph Campbell. 

A client asked me, during a group coaching call last night, my thoughts on co-creation of our reality and how the BLM movement comes into this.

As in, “how the fuck did we end up here?”.

I took a deep breath and dropped into my body because I knew that this answer was so powerful that to ignore any hint of neglect that I myself, being white skin, have my own journey to traverse through, I heard myself begin to re-tell the story of Frodo Baggins on his last leg of the journey to Mordor to drop and destroy the ring into the molten fires to destroy darkness and return harmony for all of life. 

There is an aspect of the heroes journey known as the “threshold” or the “innermost cave” where it appears that there’s just no solution to resolve the ‘challenge’ or achieve our goal etc.

This is a time within the individual, and in our case, the collective, where the most courage is required. Where we must dig deep, get out of our heads and find boldness and strength from somewhere we didn’t even know existed. This strength is invisible in many ways, is rather quiet and paradoxically somewhat miraculous in its attributes. It’s that bit in all the movies where we figure it out, own our previously denied power and eventually, ‘return with the elixir’. 

I do believe this is where we are at in our world. The breaking open of our heart, the rising up of the pain that’s been oppressed, the clashing of multiple realities and the moment just before we “do the thing that needs to be done” and return home with the elixir/ wisdom /and or transformation. 

We all go through this infinitely on a macro and micro level.

This is natural evolution.

This is not permanent.

This is what is needed and we WILL pull through.

This time is supporting us to RECLAIM our power (love and awakening to spirit) and return with the wisdom (UNITY and connection ).

If we can focus on the gift of what’s arisen, while honouring the human experience, pain, fear and reclaiming of sovereignty, we can exhale and release control, stop questioning the unfoldment and become active participants in the revolution. 




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