You’re never behind, love. It’s just not possible. You’re not meant to “get” anywhere, you’re meant to be here, now. You’re need to be “there” is what keeps you here, see.
What the actual fuck does that mean on a practical level? Stop escaping this moment by trying to make it better, or reduce discomfort, or increase pleasure, or gain power, or boost your confidence, or make gains. Etc etc blah blahdy blah. STOP. You fuckin’ it up. You’re abandoning your life. You’re stripping yourself of the sheer joy of now. You’re choosing to live in fear at all times.
Just take a moment to appreciate that our world has ignorantly glorified the top of the mountain and it’s fooled you into believing that if you’re no there, now, you suck. It drives you to seek, chase, run and lust after validation, possessions, external love and now more than ever, “enlightenment”.
You my dear, need to stop that rubbish. That shit makes you cray. Honour life for the messy cycles, the impermanence, the uncontrollability, the surprises and the challenge it is and can be and suddenly, you’ll see that here and now, not at the top of the mountain, there is magic.
And when you find magic, you’ll experience purpose, and when you experience purpose, you’ll share it and inspire it in others. See, glorious.