Definitely, a question that can fuck us up, somewhat mildly.
I have been submitting myself to a lot of discomforts over the past two years to ensure I am deepening my ability to connect and relate to my clients and everything I teach. The most simple and profound message that continues to ripple deeply from all the lessons, is the universal law of cycles. And concurrently, the practice of surrender/acceptance of what is/unconditional love.
You know, moons, seasons, years; birth, growth and decay forever in motion. This is where we will end up today, but first a little bit of a personal share.
Heart diving is not pretty work. “Open when you want to close”, I have said in the past. If you ever followed this advice, I empathise and admit, I am an asshole. Because this work is very fucking uncomfortable.
You know when you go through a breakup or someone close to you passes and your heart literally HURTS? Your chest aches and your throat tightens and your belly churns? Do you want to know why? Because healing the heart means stripping the layers of protection off and letting it be touched by the world. It hurts. Like when the blister bursts and the little bubble rips off and it kinda stings just from the breeze. Yah. That is the beginning of a heart opening. It means feeling it all and allowing the world to strip you down to the bare bones so that you realise that the walls you had built only kept you apart from love and kept others out, instead of protecting you. It made you tough and hard. It made you poised, but rigid. And then you learn, you’ve got to feel it all and let it make you wither and worm until you finally get it. Stop struggling. Stop, just sit with it and then guess what, it won’t control you anymore.
The funny thing is, when you dive as deep into your heart as I have been, exploring realms of consciousness, heart, mind and the good old dry as fuck and spectacularly messy experience of being a human; The moments of clarity feel different than they ever did. I think I have been waiting to feel ON again and after some time, I’ve realised – Oh no, this is flow. It’s just here now.
It’s been a while since I really wrote because I have had so much to say and at the same time nothing. As a “professional”, and not a blogger style writer, I am mindful to share my processing after the fact as to be sure my teachings stem from a place of complete clarity.
I miss you all, I miss throwing my mind into words and breaking down the puzzle of the universe and attempting to place it on a silver platter for you to help you open and grow. I miss showing my rawness. I have shifted gears from the head into the heart, and thinking into being, more often than I ever was. Oh, and don’t be mistaken, I still spend a fuck load of time in my head; just less and less.
I explain less and teach more through presence. Hence my favourite style of work being via in-person retreats and one to one. (To which I have two spots available for my upcoming retreat, find out more here). I get to see your heart, head, fears, darkness, light and show you how the fuck to get there and exactly what got in your way in the first place. The deep releases and leverage of the mind combination I get to do with my clients fills me more than anything in my world.
On top of this, I am more self preserving with my energy. If I’m tired, I tend not to share, not because I don’t feel it’s okay, but because if it doesn’t bring me energy in that exact moment, then I simply don’t do it. If I’m down on energy sometimes writing doesnt’ flow. Sometimes it does, but often, not.
With a second business, a body to keep fit, sleep to be had, meditation to be doing, hikes to be enjoying, schools to be visiting and a little dash of Ross River Fever, I would opt to create for you and teach you through embodiment. Hence loads of guided meditations and audios flowing out the last 6 months.
I hope you have enjoyed these 🙂 If you’ve been listening – tell me – Do you like them? Want more? If you have no idea what I mean, scroll back through the recent articles and check them out.
When you shift and change at such a rapid rate, it can feel like how a wave is with the ocean. Sometimes you’re the wave feeling a little disconnected and alone; at other times you’re the ocean feeling whole and powerful. And then sometimes you’re the surfer who was just dumped by the biggest mother-fucking-wave of your life and there is coral in your leg, and you’re rollin’ in the barrels wondering when you’re going to be able to surface for air. Oh, and, there is a shark swimming at you. Yep, there’s all of that.
Ideally, we want to not just be cruising as the ocean, but as all three perspectives. And learning not to freak the fuck out when you’re the surfer getting dumped. That’s mastery. Sure, learn to surf, but learn to be still in the chaos so you can see exactly what you need to do next. Those moments show you more about life and yourself than you could ever read in a book or learn at a seminar.
I have a little audio here to share with you that was never made public until now. I made it as a gift for those who were applying to work with me during a launch in October 2017. I found it the other day and wanted to share it with you.
I called it Utopia. It’s about the three ever unfolding steps within our cycle of human and spiritual life. It will help you know for sure that you’re never behind as well as giving you an idea of what the next step is for you.
What I have been realising is that as human beings, we are complex in many ways but also so very simple. After a few thousand hours of exploring people’s mental and emotional insides, you start to see the patterns and you end up realising – All places lead back home. Home within. So go within. Do the work. Centre yourself. Live from there. The only variations are the different styles and flavours of self-defensive mechanisms we have to move through discomfort. Be it a struggle with surrender, a desire to control, the want for more and more and more, the discomfort with stillness, the blocks around expression, the numbness to pleasure, the fear of power, the guards against love, the lack of humility, the disconnection from something bigger than who you think you are, etc, etc.
So I guess what I am saying here is, hey. I’m coming back to the written word again. It’s nice to breathe again with my heart open, a little wiser and paradoxically realising just how little we know. I now have more energy, space and clarity to lay this out in words. Yay.
In fact, I feel a combination program, part live coaching/part set modules, coming along to lay out all of the fundamentals I teach. But structured and together, and at the same time, intimate and personalised to those in the group. I am not the person who can do impersonal work, it feels empty to me. I want to touch and feel your essence and work with it. I want to see you ‘get it’ and watch you apply it and be there when you fall down. I also feel that a few weeks to “change your life” isn’t ever possible. A topic that takes a few weeks to teach can develop in your life over years as wisdom.
I will continue to work one to one and do retreats, nothing is more vital for the soul as human connection and being held whilst you strip back all that you’ve placed on and in your mind in an effort to well, figure out what the fuck feels good in life, what you are doing here, who you are and what pure love is on every level. And not the romantic kind. The deep contentment kind!
Right, well. I will be back again here soon!
Before you go, I have two spots still open for my April retreat. You can fill out this form and book a time to speak to me here. If you’ve ever wondered what it might be like to immerse your mind and surrender your spirit with 10 powerful women for 4 days, here is your chance. You, me, TOGETHER , stripping back every spec of fear-driven baggage while aligning your cells, mind + spirit to create an ELITE life of depth, FULFILLMENT + flow . Fill out this questionnaire and I’ll talk to you soon!!!